Our planet is under siege. The Arab world, large parts of Africa, and south-east Asia are cut off from prosperity and peace by (radical) Islam. In America, progress, prosperity, and security is impeded in the name of Jesus Christ. Often humorless, and violent, millions of bible obsessed burn all common ground, and oppose their beliefs on moderately religious, secular, and agnostic Americans. Founded in 2008, Unholy Apparel gives this silent majority a voice in the form of T-Shirts. A variety of abrasive, yet always humorous, and occasionally clever statements that address the lines crossed by the bullies of faith, AND Atheism. The mission statement? To mock the buffoonery, insincerity, and stupidity that spews from the pie holes of those claiming knowledge of the unknown. An endeavor NOT fueled by hate, but by a fervent belief in independent thought. Unlike the zealots would like us to believe, this is America, and not Iran. A wise man once said: "FUCK 'EM, if they can't take a joke". Unlike our right winger competition, our designs are printed on American Apparel Organic Cotton, made in the U.S.A. [caption id="attachment_376" align="aligncenter" width="400" caption="Unholy Apparel"][/caption]

Fill out this simple questionnaire, and you'll know. Are you: *Angry in general? *Significantly more patriotic than others? *A libertarian who, it just so happens, ALWAYS voted republican? *Harboring resentments toward the government, but are not sure why? *FOR freedom and liberty, except when it concerns women and gay people? * Concerned about the deficit for the first time in your life? *Pretty sure Jesus wanted the market to take care of sick people? *Pretty sure Barack Obama is not a U.S. citizen? *Pretty sure dinosaurs and humans lived side by side? *Pretty sure Fox News is actually fair and balanced? *The proud owner of a "Don't tread on me" T-Shirt? *Caucasian or certifiably insane? Most importantly (you don't have to answer this question, just nod): *DOES THE THOUGHT OF A BLACK PRESIDENT MAKE YOU NAUSEOUS? If you answered yes to ANY of these questions, you qualify for the privilege of buying a $600.00 ticket to a Sarah Palin speech! DON'T BE A SOCIALIST, SUPPORT YOUR SMALL INTERNET BUSINESS AND BUY THE SHIRT style American Apparel organic cotton Black $19.00 American Apparel Grey ringer tee $20.00 hanes beefy T black $15.00 size small medium large x-large xx-large

Tropic Thunder taught Ben Stiller a lesson: you NEVER go full retard. It didn't matter that Stiller was only mocking the way Hollywood portrays retards people with cognitive disabilities. HEAVY frowning ensued. When James Cameron initially pitched Avatar to Fox, right after grossing 1.84 Billion dollars with "Titanic", Fox was hesitant. Why? The main character was a mentally disabled teenager (Avatard) who is flown to a planet to win the hearts of a local tribe. At the end of the screenplay Avatard switches sides and defeats the greedy humans, living happily ever after among the blue naked aliens. Ten years, and 380 Million of Newscorps money later, nothing is left of the original premise. In stead of transcending mental disability into an intergalactic drama, Avatard's journey is dumbed down and blown up into a 3D spectacle. It's sad that America is not allowed to decide for itself if it wants a mentally disabled actor to carry a blockbuster movie. Until Rupert Murdoch stops discriminating, we are all retarded. [caption id="attachment_394" align="aligncenter" width="400" caption="Unholy Apparel: "Avatard" T Shirt"][/caption] style American Apparel organic cotton Black $19.00 American Apparel Grey ringer tee $20.00 hanes beefy T black $15.00 size small medium large x-large ...

Golf is not a sport, it's a game invented so men could spend time away from women. For any healthy relationship, dude time is mandatory. Fishing, playing pool, surfing, snowboarding, they are healthy activities that allow men to bond. They are harmless, positive and strengthen marriages. Then there is golf. It is common knowledge that ALL dudes that play it cheat on their wives. Sorry, but that's the way it is. When a woman becomes wealthy by marrying a dude that makes millions by playing golf, she should know the deal. Society may punish a professional golfer by imposing unrealistic standards on him, the WIFE should know better. In fact, when that husband comes home from the club, her task is to clean the lipstick of his taint with a smile, and thank him for allowing her to extract whatever seamen the strippers left her, as Tiger watches sportsnight. Full disclosure: I don't play golf. [caption id="attachment_346" align="alignleft" width="400" caption="Uunholy Apparel: "Tiger Woods, Don't hate the playa, hate the GAME" T Shirt"] [/caption]

I am so relieved. All along it has been a conspiracy of the environmental organic complex. There is no pollution! I KNEW IT! The smog in LA really is smoke blowing out of the scientists asses. I feel like an idiot, recycling and shit all this time. Fuck it, I am canceling my greenpeace membership, and from now on I am buying those tiny plastic water bottles by the PALLET. When I leave the house, the TV and the AC stay on for my dogs. Most importantly, I am turning in that gay ass prius and I am getting a monster truck. Thank you, lazy short cut taking scientists!

The plan: to occupy an illiterate, medieval country torn by civil war, and beat it into a thriving, peaceful Nation, in 18 months. In a momentary lapse of reason, I turned to cable news for a scrutinizing analysis of this strategy. Until today, the press corps had been focusing on more important stuff. Kate, Jon, Carrie Prejean, Tiger Woods crashing his car, and Sarah Palin writing a memoir. Not anymore. All the A-list pundits had gathered behind their laptops, panel style, to comment. Unfortunately, ever since 2003, the CNN break room water fountain has been spiked with Kool-aid by all the military "advisors" that turned out to work for the Bush white house. Combined with the ingestion of said kool-aid, long term practice of punditry (debating complex issues by yelling at, and interrupting people) shrinks the brain. In windbag world, radical Islam will simply seize to exist if we destroy the Taliban. Infotainment is unburdened by history, or research. If you want the gig as embedded reporter, don't be a dick. If you're not willing to believe that more boots on the ground might just make the resentment that fuels Jhad go away, why come along? At this point, the war on terror makes ...

Taking a book literally, and regarding it as holy, is a universal shortcut to finding a purpose in life. Christianity, Mormonism, Scientology, Islam, none of them are exactly a product of seekers getting their heads together. It's safe to say that religious people have a tendency to follow, not lead. Religion can not cure everyone from feeling restless, irritable and discontent. So the next level is Holy war. Crusades, pro-life movements, anti gay stuff, etc etc. Then there is JIHAD. It's not just the passive aggressiveness of martyrdom. It's the fact that Grown men dressed in skirts are checking the length of each others' beards. The cross dressers then tell women to cover themselves up, or stay away all together. Is it me, or is Jihad SERIOUSLY gay? Buy the shirt from Unholy Apparel

Julliette Lewis asked her fans, to send "good vibes" to a friend diagnosed with the H1N1 virus. Mass prayer her cure of choice, she called the virus a pharmaceutical hoax, and instructed her followers to "fight the system". Is there any difference between Creationism and the swelling movement of scientific skeptics? They both ignore fact in favor of a hunch. Sure, we are an over medicated people, but lumping in Viagra and Nyquil with a life saving vaccine hints of fanaticism fueled by blind faith. In his book "The End of Faith", Sam Lewis quotes Hebrews 11.1: "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen". By applying our assumptions to what we don't understand, we give birth to a new religion. Bill Maher made a great case against exactly this type of thinking with his movie "Religulous". Ironically, by questioning the need for a swine flu vaccine, he became the high priest of the New Church of Biological Skeptics (The Church of BS). I love Bill Maher, but he is a self admitted food-Nazi who won't even eat from a can. By letting his phobias guide his medical choices, he paved a way for the dim ...

I panicked. Casually, I had pulled up the surf report app on my iphone and was now doing a double, bug-eyed take: 7-9 foot waves, with excellent conditions. The morning was already halfway over, but I had a show out of town the next day, and work for two days after that. It texted my car pool beach buddy, no response. It had been flat all week, so I decided not to wait. I threw my stuff into my '91 Explorer and raced the 30 miles from Eagle Rock to the Manhattan Beach pier. I found beach side parking without effort. There were only a handful of people out. which didn't surprise me as it was a weekday morning. Although it was mid-October, temperatures were mid-seventies, no wetsuit needed. I uploaded a picture of the beach to Facebook and gloated to all the office workers before I went in. Sets were steady, and I managed to ride several tunnels on my boogie board, getting off on time so not to have to paddle back too far. Then it happened. A tsunami dawned on the horizon, and excitement, with a hint of fear overtook me. I started paddling, but soon realized I was in ...

Occupying Afghanistan with an army to bring peace is like booking the Village People at the Westboro Baptist Church: NOT a result of due dilligence. Yet somehow, like an alcoholic, we collectively manage to convince ourselves it's totally cool to have one more troop addition, before we quit. The call for more is not just on Fox news, it's everywhere: Last night Bill Maher's panel consisted of reasonable, well informed liberals. Alec Baldwin, Chris Matthews and some politician I forget. In a time when Health Care reform's main obstacle is the deficit, you'd expect the consensus around the table to be against escalation, if only for financial reasons. Not so. Baldwin stated that pulling out of Afghanistan would not be the smartest thing to do. Matthews added that India would never stand for a Taliban dominated Pakistan. After careful consideration, the panel reluctantly concluded that more troops were probably necessary. Anyone willing to read can find out that the Taliban was born from resentment toward corrupt government, and brutal warlords. Disillusioned, most Mujahedin leaders had returned home after the war, as had Bin Laden. Disgusted with rape, theft, and the chaos preventing the existence of an economy, the puritan movement armed by the Pakistani ...